Me and My New BFF Say Choose You!!!

I'm just back from the whirlwind launch of the American Cancer Society's new program, Choose You, in New York City. Me and my new BFF, Grey's Anatomy's Ellen Pompeo, did media interviews and a major event in Times Square to launch this program that will help save lives and create more birthdays!

Me and my new BFF, Ellen Pompeo, together at last!

Ok, so really, I didn't even get to meet Ellen until we were about 3/4 of the way through the program. I was MC and she hugged me after she spoke. I introduced myself after the event, ("Now that we've hugged, I'm Amy by the way!") We chatted about her totally chic platform stilettos (which is probably what we were doing when this picture was taken. I asked her how the heck she walked in those things and she replied, "If it makes you feel any better, they really hurt!") and then the next day we had a brief exchange in an elevator about her plans for the rest of the week. But great friendships have to start somewhere, right?

But the real news is that this program, Choose You, really has the potential to save lives. I absolutely love the Choose You message -- we simply HAVE to put ourselves and our health on the priority list. If you don't, at some point, you'll absolutely eventually hit a wall. You never know what that wall will look like -- strep throat, depression or maybe even something worse -- but whatever it is, it won't be pretty.

I smashed face-first into my own wall a while back and it's been a long journey to get around it. Last year it was therapy, paring back on both work and extracurricular commitments and just taking a few minutes for myself everyday. This year, I'm working with a trainer to improve my diet and get regular exercise. Each one of those steps have made me feel incrementally better and today I feel better than I have since I had kids. It's still a work in progress --life (and whirlwind business trips to NY) often gets in the way -- but overall, it's been such a great thing for me and my family.

Of course, the hardest part is keeping committed. First my therapist and now my trainer made me report back my progress to them every week. And Hubby, Nanny and my kids have been my biggest cheerleaders. If I didn't have my "coach" and my own personal cheering section, I definitely would let myself slide. So the other thing I love about Choose You is that you don't need a therapist or a trainer -- it actually keeps you accountable. Here's how it works:

1. You pick a goal -- improve your diet, get more exercise, get your screening test -- whatever you want to do!
2. You (as FitSugar blog says) "put your money where your mouth is" -- commit at least $5/goal. The money is refundable if you reach your goal. If not, it goes to ACS.
   
3. Designate someone to be your referee. This is the person that's going to hold you accountable. You can be your own referee, but you'll want to think hard about whether you'll be a good one or not!
   
4. Recruit your friends and family members to cheer you on and even make support pledges.
   

I have to admit, when I first signed up for the Get Active pledge on chooseyou.com (I'm great at getting to my trainer twice a week, but have a really hard time getting in that third day of exercise), I balked at the $5/week pledge thing. I sent a note to my colleagues -- "Seriously??? $5/week??? Isn't that alot??? Who's going to do that?." But then I thought about it. If you reach your goal, you pay nothing. Talk about holding your feet to the fire. I'm already paying alot more than that to have my trainer hold me accountable twice a week (and her fee isn't refundable if I show up!). I had to really decide how committed I am to this. I finally decided it was worth it and I was going to try it. A refundable pledge donation to a worthy cause is a real steal for holding you accountable to lifesaving health goals.

I've written before about how instrumental moms -- and really women in general -- are in the fight against cancer. I truly believe we have the power to cure cancer. Feeling great and having more energy is the short term benefit of taking care of ourselves. The longer term benefit is helping to prevent cancer. We could eliminate nearly half of all cancer deaths if we all committed to doing the things we know work. Now we have a way to do it and to hold ourselves accountable. And just think about how much less cancer and how many more birthdays we could create if we become great role models for our kids. Wouldn't it be great if they never knew what suffering from cancer looks and feels like???



I hope you'll make a commitment to Choose You. I'll be blogging about my Choose You commitments (to get a mammogram and be more active) over at the Choose You blog along with some other, fabulous bloggers. (Can you believe I get to blog -- with other cool bloggers -- for work???) Come read our trials and tribulations and commiserate with us. We promise to cheer you on too!

Me and My New BFF Say Choose You!!!

Hail to the Chief

Well, now I've gone and done it. In spite all of my careful boundary-setting and my "Just Say No" proselytizing, I am now officially and hopelessly overextended.

As if full-time working motherhood wasn't enough, last spring, I agreed to be President of our neighborhood Women's Club. I really don't know what I was thinking.

"I know you work full time," pleaded my neighbor who was in charge of putting together our slate, "But you'd make such a great President! You're organized, you're a great communicator and you have that leadership thing going on." Flattery, of course, will get you everywhere.

And then the kicker, "Plus, I really don't know who else can do it besides you." Guilt.

I had been involved in the Women's Club for the last few years, but had been very careful to take on jobs that were easily manageable -- ordering pizza for our Halloween party, taking minutes at our Board meetings and welcoming the handful of families that moved into our neighborhood. I've loved being involved -- it's been a great way to meet my neighbors in our little subdivision, all of whom are, thankfully, lovely people.

My nominating neighbor swore that she put together such a great slate for me that my job would mostly be about marshaling the troops. Another neighbor and former President assured me I could do the job mostly via email at night.

The thing is, I want to do the job. For one thing, I'm a total sucker for high-falutin' titles that start with "P" and rhyme with "Esident." But it would also give me a tiny glimpse into what it might be like to run a voluntary non-profit organization, a career aspiration I've been thinking about lately. Plus, we plan to live in this house for a long time. If I say no now, chances are they'll come back to ask me again later. There's really no escaping it, so I might as well get it over with now.

Of course since I reluctantly agreed to take on the job, one Board member has totally freaked when she found out what her job actually entailed and we've had to scale back her duties. And two of my Board members have told me, "Oh, I'm not really very good on email." Just great.

Hail to the Chief

If Carol Brady Can Do It

Remember this post where my split personalities once again duel in my head over the current state of my career? Turns out, Professional Amy and Professional Amy's employer ganged up on poor Mommy Amy. Sensing imminent doom, Professional Amy's boss offered her the chance to participate in a nifty new "Leadership Program" where she would learn how to hone her "leadership skills" through personal assessments, coaching sessions and management seminars. Professional Amy thought it was a great excuse not to quit her job terrific professional development opportunity she just couldn't pass up.

As consolation, Professional Amy and Hubby came up with a brilliant scheme to get Mommy Amy some more help. While Hubby had been pitching in and would continue to, we all agreed he wasn't the full solution. We needed someone who would be more capable available and proactive. So remember this job description? We realized we already had someone working for us who fit the bill. With the wave of our magic checkbook, we turned our nanny into a "house manager."

It made sense. Both girls would be in school full time in the fall and even when they weren't, they're old enough not to require Nanny's (real name cleverly disguised) full attention the way they did when they were little. We gave Nanny responsibility for cooking dinner for the family, keeping the house stocked with groceries, washing linens and towels and doing a variety of errands (dry cleaning, buying birthday party presents, keeping pet food stocked, etc.). Nanny, being the best. nanny. in. the. world. as well as a natural organization freak, is taking her new duties to heart and creating all kinds of fun organization projects for herself like cleaning out a variety of closets around the house.

Professional Amy is feeling a lighter load but Mommy Amy isn't quite so charmed by this new arrangement. It's hard not to have full control over the house. Nanny's got everything organized to the point where we can't find anything anymore. It's weird to have someone else cook our dinner. In an effort to impress us, Nanny's been trying these strange new dishes. We've gently tried telling her that we'd be very happy to eat the spaghetti and meatballs she made for the kids but she's determined to be the very best house manager she can be.

Carol Brady may have been content to sit around and sip coffee while Alice the Housekeeper controlled the house operations, but Mommy Amy never in a million years thought she'd be the kind of mom who relied on someone else to do what she considers "her job." In the meantime, Professional Amy is making an effort to curb her hours at the office to be around more for the kids. She's still struggling with the balance, but she's learning some things from this new leadership program.

We know we're lucky we can afford the extra help. We know we shouldn't complain. The discontent probably has more to do with how both Amy's are feeling about the job we're doing. We'll see how long this arrangement lasts. But this is where we are. For now.

If Carol Brady Can Do It

Being Present

Yesterday after a long day at my professional job, I arrived home and immediately launched into my "non-professional" job of administering our personal lives. As usual, I went straight to the computer to check email. I was expecting an email from a painter scheduled to give us a quote and the usual correspondence from the kids' schools, friends and neighbors.

As I was scanning my email, DD#1 sat down next to me and starting babbling about something. Ever the multi-tasker, not paying particularly close attention to what she was saying, I gave her the perfunctory "Huh?"s and "Uh huh"s while reading my email. Then something clicked in my head and a voice said,

"Hey, your daughter's talking you! She's trying to engage you in conversation. Is that email really that important? LISTEN to her!"

I decided in that moment that no, that email wasn't that important. I pushed my laptop away, looked at my daughter and focused on what she was saying. Turns out she was talking about octopuses and how the mommy octopus dies after she gives birth ("Did you know that, mom?" No, I didn't know that.) and how that made her very sad. And she didn't really know why the mommy octopuses die but she thinks that it's because the mommy is so busy taking care of the babies before they're born that she doesn't have time to eat and she starves.

"Can we look up stuff on your computer, Mom, because I have so many questions!"

So together we asked Google, fountain of all knowledge, how big octopus babies are (turns out they're the size of a grain of rice when they're born) and why mother octopuses die after breeding. DD#1's theory was right -- the mother octopus is so busy protecting and oxygenating her eggs that she fasts and dies of starvation by the time the eggs hatch. I also helped her update her "blog" that she started last year (but hasn't updated since). You can read her very independent-minded and heart-felt post here. She asked me to ask you to read it and to tell your kids to read it.

After we answered her burning questions and updated her "blog," DD#1 skipped off to play with her sister, happy that we learned about octopuses and proved her theory, but probably happier that she got a few moments of her mother's undivided attention.

And I, for my part, resolved to do a better job remembering that the most important part of my "non-professional" job was not answering email, but to be present with my husband and kids.

Being Present

Hooked On Blogging

In honor of Valentines Day, I have to give a shout out to all the bloggers I love to read. Go ahead, check them out. They're all listed on the side of this blog. The clever, poignant and often laugh-out-loud brilliance that these women create and share on their blogs awes and inspires me everyday.

Now I'm going to have to ask them all a really big favor.

CUT IT OUT.

I know it's alot to ask. You've all clearly been doing this blogging thing for a long time and you've all amassed admirably strong followings.

But you people are killing me.

I just can't get enough! When I first discovered this blogging thing, I was reading two, maybe three blogs a few times a month. Then I stumbled across a few more incredible blogs and I started checking in on my favorites several times a week. Now, I've gotta have my blogging fix everyday and some days (and this is very painful to admit) I find myself flipping through my Google reader two or three times a day.

And then there's the flip side of creating my own masterpiece and obsessively checking my stat counters (yes, that's right, more than one) to see who might be reading me (thank you to my five loyal readers and the ten others of you who can't seem to figure out how to unsubscribe).

It's pathetic. It's gotta stop. I see an Oprah episode in the making (Mommies who neglect their families because of their addiction to blogging).

How do you manage your addiction?

Hooked On Blogging

Twittering? Really???

"With Twitter, you can stay hyper–connected to your friends and always know what they’re doing...Twitter puts you in control and becomes a modern antidote to information overload."

-- from the Twitter Web site

OK. I checked it out and I still don't get the whole Twittering thing. I love my friends, I do. But do I really need to be "hyper-connected" to them? Do I need to know where they are every second or what they're thinking? How is this the "antidote to information overload?"

I KNOW nobody wants to be in my head. TMI.

Just sayin'.

Twittering? Really???

Another One Bites the Dust

One of my favorite working mommy bloggers finally threw in the towel.

*Sigh*

Can't say I blame her. She fought the good fight. She made heroic efforts to invite peace and sanity into her life. She scaled back her work assignments, did the part-time thing. She took control of her life, setting clear limits both in her work life and in her personal life. She did EVERYTHING right to try to perfectly balance mommyhood and a successful out of home job with a major firm in a big, fancy office and it STILL wasn't enough.

Lately I've been wondering if work/life balance for us moms is at all possible. I'm especially wondering that today, a day that began with me bolting out the door at the crack of dawn to make an 8 am meeting reeling off instructions to my husband about straightening up the house for the cleaning service and the list of stuff daughter #2 needed for preschool. Despite my clear direction, he forgot to put a towel in said daughter's backpack for swimming and she sadly had to share another kid's towel (dang, I KNEW that was too much information for him!). The replay of her 4 year-old dismay when she discovered no towel, her reluctance to say something to her teachers and her shivering, dripping little body as she stood patiently waiting for her friend's used wet towel continues to play over and over in my head ("And it didn't even have a princess on it, Mommy!") Oh, the guilt!!!

We often blame the extreme work environments and inflexible work policies for the imbalance. But I have all the flexibility one could possibly want. My boss lets me set my own schedule. I'm free to attend any school play, recital, parent/teacher conference, doctors appointment I want. I can work from home at the drop of a hat. Heck, my organization actually gives me 15 hours of time off a year, separate and apart from my regular time off, to do volunteer work. And volunteering at my kids' schools counts! I have a fabulous nanny and though he may not be perfect, my husband does do his part. And yet I STILL find it completely overwhelming.

Why is that? Why can't we seem to make work...well, work? Is it because we're a product of our generation -- hopeless over-achievers unable to let go and not do everything perfectly? Or is it that work and motherhood really truly in our heart of hearts if we were really truly honest with ourselves really don't mix?

I curse the 70's and its unrealistic, idealistic vision for us women. I still blame Gloria Steinem and that f-ing bring home the bacon commercial for making us believe we could do it all. Not to mention that Free to Be You and Me "Parents are People" song (click through -- you gotta watch this). We were brainwashed!

There's gotta be a better way -- some kind of solution. But I'm too tired to figure it out now. After all, tomorrow is another day.

Another One Bites the Dust

The Costs of a Family-Unfriendly America

A couple of months ago in honor of Halloween, Momsrising.org asked its members "What's really scary for American moms?" Nearly 200 struggling moms from all walks of life posted their scary stories -- middle-class moms "opting out" of their careers as the skyrocketing costs of daycare no longer made fiscal sense for their families; moms with little or no health coverage praying that they or their children never get sick; single moms struggling to make ends meet. It painted a very sad picture of a country clearly failing its most critical resource -- its mothers.

Unfortunately, the personal struggles of our nation's moms are likely to go unnoticed and unappreciated by our nation's lawmakers and corporate leaders. The picture that's more likely to move those in power is the one that's yet to be painted and is likely the scariest story of all -- the bottom line costs of failing America's families.

I'm no social economist, but consider the logical consequences of a country that demands too much of our nation's parents with little or no support:

The Health Care Burden
It's long been documented that the American worker is over-stressed due a variety of factors including loss of leisure time and extreme work demands and those that are raising families suffer the worst. Countless studies in the last two decades clearly link stress to a multitude of health ailments from cardiovascular disease to psychological and musculoskeletal disorders. One very recent Harvard study even goes so far as to suggest that women in the workforce are shortening their husbands lifespans by as much as 10 years due to stress. While this study draws ire from working moms as it lays the blame squarely at our feet, it shows a clear correlation between working moms and dads in America and negative health effects. Given the number of emotional meltdowns my husband has had to endure as I've tried to balance work and family, I really can't dispute these findings.

Shoving pistachio nuts into my mouth last night crunching to make a work deadline, I was reminded that our country's obesity epidemic goes hand in hand with stress. One only has to watch a few episodes of Oprah to know that stress-induced overeating is rampant in our country, particularly among women, and is likely a key underlying cause of our obesity problem (if my pistachio nut example wasn't scientific enough for you, here's a study from the UK with more empirical proof). Another is our lack of time to make healthy foods for our families or time to be physically active combined with the accessibility and convenience of fast and processed foods. This recent study links the number of hours a woman works to her childrens' BMI. Again, many interpret these studies as "blaming" women when the true underlying cause is an inflexible work culture that demands too much of our time. According to the CDC, obesity accounts for approximately 9% of our national medical bill or $93 billion.

Lost Productivity
Stress, obesity and its associated health effects are leading causes of workplace absences. But companies are also losing highly educated and well trained employees to the "opt-out phenomenon" -- documented by sociologist Pamela Stone, among others -- college- and professionally-educated women leaving their demanding jobs as a desperate measure to reclaim their sanity. My own microcosm bears this out as all of the mothers I know (including me) -- all college-educated career women prior to becoming mothers -- have left, downsized or sacrificed their careers in some way. There are also many mothers who simply can't make work work -- the costs of daycare exceeds their income or leaves very little of it to be worth it. These women leave their jobs not by choice but because they can't "afford" to work. Employee turnover has long been documented as a major drain on business but corporate America has yet to take a good hard look at how the loss of working mothers affects their turnover rates and their bottom line.

Failing our Youth
Research has long shown that the hours immediately after school are prime hours for juvenile crime. Our nation has tried to alleviate this problem by allocating significant funds for after-school programs that help provide supportive environments for "at-risk" kids -- those who are unsupervised after school. Federal cuts in these programs are a constant threat and states continually struggle to keep these programs sufficiently funded. Law enforcement claims that these programs are proven to cut crime rates and save at-risk youth from becoming career criminals, there is tremendous need to expand these programs. Is there another solution? How much money might we save simply by allowing for flexible work schedules? If parents were allowed to work their work schedules around their children's school schedules, how many children could be taken out of the after-school system leaving room to serve those kids who are truly "at risk" (i.e., those whose home lives are less than desirable)? Crime translates to billions of dollars for taxpayers and crime victims.

Overtaxing our Social Welfare System
Of course the greatest burden of a family-unfriendly American falls on low income families. These are families who despite doing everything right -- working diligently to support their families -- are barely getting by (much less getting ahead) and are often one misstep away from a financial crisis. These families tend to have jobs with lower wages, no benefits and little or no flexibility. Once these families fall on hard times, they must rely on our welfare system. Emory health economist Kenneth E. Thorpe has estimated that unpaid hospital bills, mostly a result of uninsured patients, cost $45 billion which increases insurance costs by 8.5%. This recent report from the Urban Institute begins to outline the support that would help low income families meet their family responsibilities while doing right by their employers and even highlights some success stories. How much could we reduce our nation's welfare costs and/or our unpaid health care bill by implementing some of these common sense supports?

I could go on, but I'm starting to depress myself. The point is that until someone with some heavy duty letters next to their name working for a credible institution takes a close and careful look through the volumes of research that already exist and does a serious cost-benefit analysis to bringing some health and sanity back into our lives, little is likely to change. The solution to supporting our nation's working moms and dads will take the combined efforts of government and employers. But we must first make the argument in dollars, not just common sense, to move their hearts and minds.

The Costs of a Family-Unfriendly America

Something's Gotta Give

It's been quite a while since I've posted anything. I know. It's been a deliberate, but temporary break. Pressures from work mounted. The kids activities loomed. And we had yet another bout of lice. My mental and physical health actually declined. I needed a break. To spend time in the real world vs. the virtual world. To take care of myself. I worked out a little, vegged out in front of the TV and even reconnected with my kids. It's been nice.

I knew my readers (all eight of them) would understand. That's what this blog is about. Knowing when enough is enough. Caring about yourself enough to actually care for yourself.

But I still have some things to say. I'll post a real post. Soon.

Something's Gotta Give

Eureka!!!

This week, my children ate sweet potatoes, carrots, white beans, wheat germ, cauliflower and zucchini. And they loved it!!!

I assure you my children are normal, red-blooded American children whose diets primarily consist of chicken fingers, mac and cheese and pizza. And I am a normal, American mom whose concept of "making dinner" is popping something in the microwave or ordering from the Chick-Fil-A drive-thru window.

But that's all behind us. We've discovered the joy of being a sneaky chef!

The Sneaky Chef is an ingenious cookbook full of standard kid fare recipes with a boost of nutrition snuck in. The sneakiness starts with a variety of veggie purees mixed into the recipes. You add just enough puree for your kid to get some honest to goodness vitamins, but the veggies themselves go completely undetected. This week, we loved the cheese quesadillas, pizza bagels and peanut butter mini muffins all made with the sneaky orange (carrots and sweet potato) and/or white (cauliflower, zucchini or white bean) purees. But the biggest hit of the week was the chicken fingers made with the orange puree and the wheat bread crumb, almond and wheat germ breading ("MMMmmm!!!" said the four year old; the seven year old asked for seconds.) Even moms like me can handle these recipes. Although the purees forced me to get reacquainted with my food processor, they're easy enough to make and can be frozen for future use.

God bless the original Sneaky Chef, Missy Chase Lapine, for spending hours on end with her girlfriend testing tons of sneaky recipes that our children would love. The sneaky chef concept is now a hot new trend. Jessica Seinfeld (Jerry's wife) has come out with her own cookbook (watch Oprah tomorrow) which offers more sneaky recipes and ingredients to choose from. As loathe as I am to buy Seinfeld's book (ok, I admit I'm anti-celebrity. She may be a very nice person and I realize it's not her fault, but I'm a bit bitter that the doctor that cured me of cancer and my mom who taught inner city kids each made a teeny tiny fraction of the fortune that her husband did for what -- pretending to be himself on TV??? But I digress...), I'm now a sneaky chef convert and am anxious to find some other recipes to add to the repertoire.

These books kill two birds with one stone answering the dilemma of what to make for dinner while minimizing the food wars with the kids. The sneaky chef concept is a great example of the kind of balance I seek -- making things better for my kids, yet making life (so much) easier for me.

Eureka!!!

A Bad Mommy Moment

This week I officially earned my Bad Mommy Club badge and simultaneously got a free trial membership for the Bad Neighbor Club. The other day, my four year old got an invitation to play with a little girl around the corner. I happily accepted and told the girl's mom that our nanny would call her when she arrived home from picking my daughter up from preschool. Unbeknownst to me, our nanny decided to run a few errands (ones I had asked her to do) on her way back from carpool and took much longer than I expected. By the time she got back, I was completely engrossed in a conference call from work and ended up forgetting all about the play date invitation until the next morning.

Needless to say, I was (and still am) completely mortified. The invitation was from a neighbor I like a lot whose daughter my daughter loves. I immediately emailed my neighbor a "I'M COMPLETELY MORTIFIED" note and called her later that day and left her a "I hope you got my note and in case you didn't, I'm so sorry!!!" voicemail. But so far I've gotten no response.

I realize that of the multitude of mommy offenses, this one is fairly tame. I mean, forgetting a play date isn't as bad as forgetting a child's school event, or forgetting to pick up a child from somewhere or you know, forgetting Christmas or something. And really, this week wasn't any ordinary week of insanity -- it was total and utter chaos. Aside from having an extremely intense week at work, three of the five home improvement projects we have going right now went horribly awry, my parents decided to drop in for a visit mid-week, the little one's school was closed for a fairly obscure Jewish holiday, and my older daughter generously bequeathed me the horrible cold she had, which meant hacking and sneezing my way through the week, snot running down my face, operating on very little sleep. And let's not forget we're still dealing with the remnants of Lice Fest 2007. But none of that was my neighbor's problem and I still feel like the biggest loser in the land of mommyville.

I could (and did) lay my guilt at the feet of my career. If I hadn't been so involved at work, if I had been the one to pick up my preschooler instead of my nanny and hadn't had to relay the message, things would have been fine. But I can't completely go there. Every time I do, I think of the time my own mom, then a SAHM, wrote down the birthday party of a new friend (and neighbor) on the wrong date in her calendar, causing me to miss the party completely. All moms make mistakes. At least my own daughter is blissfully unaware of this one.

I'm hoping my neighbor will forgive me and that I haven't completely blown a friendship for my daughter. I know my neighbor and her husband are getting ready to launch a new business venture soon and she's been a bit crazy herself. If a friend did this and told me afterwards, I'd tell my friend to give herself a break. But it's much easier to beat myself up. Help me feel better -- have you earned a spot in the Bad Mommy Club?

A Bad Mommy Moment

Lice Fest 2007 is in Atlanta!!!

I am sitting here wearing a shower cap, my head slathered in mayonnaise. My two precious angels are donning the same chic look. We are planning a very long date with the Disney Channel later so I can pick through their heads like a mama gorilla. That's after I spent hours and hours and hours washing and bagging everything not nailed down. AGAIN. FOR THE THIRD TIME THIS MONTH!!!!

Yes, folks, Lice Fest 2007 seems to have made its way to our house. This time my baby (uh, I mean BIG GIRL) seems to be the Lice Fest Queen. But we've all joined the party, because it's just WAY too much fun to miss.

If you don't know what Lice Fest is, it's the party you never, ever want to be invited to. It comes to you, unsolicited, and it NEVER WANTS TO LEAVE!!!!!

In the spirit of balance (which is what this blog is SUPPOSED to be about -- No, this ISN'T the Lice blog), this will be a short post from me. Instead, if you've ever been to Lice Fest, or just plain need a laugh, here are a couple of posts that'll brighten your day. Read about Lice Fest 2004 from Melissa over at my new favorite blog Suburban Bliss. In her wonderfully witty writing style, she so cleverly describes my life right now (how did she know?). Or get a Dad's perspective at Death By Children where Christopher, another great writer, discovers why God really invented mayonnaise in his post Lice, Lice, Lice, Baby!.

And if you have any, and I mean ANY, advice on how to get this party to move on, please, please, PLEASE (do I sound desperate enough?), share.

Lice Fest 2007 is in Atlanta!!!

The Game of Lice

Jill over at Writes Like She Talks asked me a very important and profound question a few weeks ago -- what is the conventional wisdom on why God invented lice?

I've been pondering this very question these past two weeks as we've waged our third battle against these relentless vermin this summer. The only purpose for lice that I can think of is that it teaches us a lesson that is as important and profound as Jill's question itself. Things can always get worse.

I've had alot of time to ponder many things as I've spent hours on end sifting through my daughter's thick curly locks, picking nits off her head. Aside from lamenting the missed Rosh Hashanah services and play dates as a result of this undeserved plague and wondering how my daughter might look bald (she has a pretty face!), I've mostly been asking myself why I've been so utterly unprepared for motherhood.

I always feel like I missed a course in high school or college or something. Other than my own parents' experience (and who actually pays attention to them?), the only thing that gave me a glimpse into the "real" world while I was growing up was Habro's "The Game of Life." Remember that game? The one where you sent your car along the road of life and along the way you got a job, got married, had kids, bought insurance and stocks? Sometimes you even defaulted on loans, lost out on the stock market or got hit by a hurricane. I just loved that game!

But thinking back on it, maybe that game was a bit superficial. If I was revamping it today, I'd add a few more "real" life experiences. Like, "Your daughter has lice. Loose two turns as you delouse your children and your house." Or, "Your daughter wants dance lessons. Pay $200 dollars for the lessons and $200 more for ballet shoes and recital costumes." Or, "Oops! Your baby spit up on your expensive wool suit. Pay $100 in dry cleaning!" Then maybe kids would grow up a bit more prepared for the real world.

Here's a fun game...what "real" life experiences would you add to "The Game of Life?"

The Game of Lice

Are We Too Busy?

Yesterday, I left my straightening iron on. All day. I didn't realize it was still plugged in until I mindlessly threw a washcloth on top of it and eventually smelled something burning. It was one of those busy, overbooked days where we had one activity planned after another. I was rushing to get us all out the door, my mind focused on the long list of stuff we had to do. And in the process, I could have burned our house down. Or maybe something worse.

Of course I thanked my lucky stars that I escaped a potentially horrendous situation and vowed to be more mindful and careful in the future. But if I'm truly honest with myself, odds are something like that is bound to happen again. And I couldn't help but think of Brenda Slaby, the mother that killed her two year old daughter earlier this month by forgetting to drop her off at the babysitter and accidentally leaving her in the back of her sweltering car.

Brenda's story struck such a cord with me. I'd like to think that I would never, ever make such a careless, tragic mistake as to forget about my sleeping child in the back seat of my car. But my straightening iron incident was a sobering reminder that there are plenty of other ways that I could inadvertently harm my family by simply being scatterbrained. I've been struck by the lack of commentary on the Slaby story among the mommy blogs that I generally read. Maybe it's because we all have our straightening iron incidents and so the story hits a bit too close to home.

And so I can't help but ask, are we too busy?

Yes, most of us would admit that we're over scheduled (note to self: daughter #1 has Brownies tomorrow; daughter #2 has swimming). When my first child was a baby, I vowed that we wouldn't get sucked into that overachiever mindset where my children had to do absolutely everything. But somehow the activities just creeped up on us and the logistics and accouterments for the activities (who goes where when and what equipment do they need?) coupled with the accouterments and logistics for school (who goes where when, who needs what signed and who's doing what for lunch?), is alot to keep up with.

The activities are within our control and something to seriously consider paring back (I am). But it's not the whole story. Those of us who work know that it's also a big distraction. Joan Blades, co-founder of Momsrising.org writes about the extreme work phenomenon, where people work 24/7 leaving little time for family or anything else, in "A Peaceful Revolution" on The Huffington Post. "Might we be working stupid because we are so tired?" Blades writes. "It is time for us to consider our values." My boss and I debated this extreme work environment when I confronted him on my lack of career progression due to my mommy status. "I have all of this work that needs to get done. I need someone who can be available all the time," he lamented. While as a manager I understood his argument, I rhetorically asked why working around the clock had to be the norm and commented that it couldn't be healthy for anyone -- working moms or not.

I found this great NY Times article, "Too Busy to Notice You're Too Busy," when doing my limited research for this post. It's written by a woman who seems to have figured it out. I couldn't agree with her more that we all need to consciously find ways to make ourselves less busy. But we also need to find ways to change the extreme work environment. I'm counting on Momsrising.org and other organizations to lead the way on that front. In the meantime, I've put my Blackberry aside for the night and refuse to check my work email so that I can do what I enjoy most -- writing for this blog.

Are We Too Busy?

Divide and Conquer

Tonight my husband and I will do something very few couples ever do. (No, I am not talking about sex). Tonight, we're going to divide The List.

You know The List -- the one that's committed to memory and constantly running through your head like the CNN ticker. The one that rules our lives made famous in the book, "I Don't Know How She Does It." It's the endless list of things that HAS to be done to keep your life and the lives of your family members on track. The one that as soon as one thing is checked off, three more pop on and therefore will never, ever, EVER be successfully and completely completed. That one.

Before you hail my husband a hero for offering, no INSISTING, that we split The List, I submit to you that this was an act of pure self preservation. He was the one that encouraged me to go back to work full time (which means less financial pressure for him). And after experiencing my umpteenth nervous breakdown and constant misery over not being able to keep up with The List anymore, there was simply only one solution. If we were going to share the earning power, we were going to have to share responsibility for The List.

Each Sunday night, we go over The List for the week. We determine who is going to do what and then my husband actually types up a separate list for each of us (ever see your list on paper? It's even more scary in print). At first, I kept forgetting to mention things that should be on The List. Not because I actually forgot them, but because I considered them things "the mom" should do. Eventually I learned to give it all up and I've been amazed at what my husband has taken on. He scheduled and accompanied the kids to their last dental appointment. He researched and organized swim lessons. He got our piano fixed and tuned (that's been on The List for years!). He's even made lunches and packed backpacks.

Now that The List has been reduced to something a bit more manageable, an enormous weight has been lifted from my shoulders. But it also has illuminated one simple truth. While our husbands are more than capable of stepping up and taking on more than they traditionally do, the ultimate responsibility will always lie with the mom. As wonderful as he is, my husband will never remember that we have to call the pediatrician three months in advance to schedule a check up or that every January we have to start registering the kids for camp. Those finer details are in my head and squarely and firmly in my court. But at least being able to delegate these tasks once they arrive is a step in the right direction. For now.

Divide and Conquer

I'm Going Back IN!!!

It's been quite a while since I've posted anything. Since no one reads my blog, I figured no one would notice or care. No one did, but I decided to rejoin the universe of mommy bloggers anyway.

So here's what happened. A few months ago, I voluntarily gave up a part-time gig to return to work full time. Not exactly the best way to achieve life balance, I realize, and according to my grand plan, I had another year until my youngest was in kindergarten before I attempted re-entry into full time professional life. But, I hit a wall and had to do something.

Those of you (you being the legions of loyal followers of Up With Moms) who covet a part time job and think that it's the answer to all of your mommy woes probably think I'm insane. I fully admit, it was a very good job with a great organization I've been with forever. It even came with a decent salary and benefits. But even part time gigs have their limitations for us moms. After doing the job happily for several years, I started noticing that I wasn't getting very challenging assignments. And my non-mommy colleagues were getting promoted beyond me. One even got promoted OVER me. I finally realized that my part time job had landed me squarely on the dreaded mommy track and eventually the professional in me started rebelling.

Professional Amy: I'm bored. This is bull#@!

Mommy Amy: What do you mean? I'm very happy.

Professional Amy: Happy? How can you be happy? Your career is going NOWHERE!

Mommy Amy: I don't know what you're talking about. I have a great job.

Professional Amy: Yes, that's right. You have a job but not a career.

Mommy Amy: Well, so what? I have the best of both worlds. I get to work and be with the kids. Most women would kill for this.

Professional Amy: But are you learning anything? Are you being mentally challenged? C'MON you could do this job in your sleep! What's the point?

Mommy Amy: I get benefits...that's important...

Professional Amy: Oh good. Benefits will get you far in life. How do you plan to parlay benefits into a career goal? The kids won't need you forever, you know. You need to get a life.

Mommy Amy: I don't know what you're talking about...

Professional Amy: Look, I've sacrificed brain cells for the past four years so you can be the perfect mom. It's my turn now. It's time to get serious about work.

Mommy Amy: But...but...what about the kids?

Professional Amy: The kids will be just fine. You'll do quality time with them after work and on the weekends. Anyway, its time they had some more quality time with their dad. You know he'll help fill the gap if you're bringing in more money.

Mommy Amy: I don't know...

Professional Amy: The kids are starting to have their own lives. Time to jump start yours again. We're going back to work!

I'm sure many of you have the same kind of schizophrenic inner dialogue. So Professional Amy won out this time. Do you ever think there will be a day when both Amy's can be satisfied? I'm still holding out hope.

I'm Going Back IN!!!

Just Say No

Last fall, I did something absolutely scandalous. I turned down four party invitations even though we had no prior commitments. I know -- I'm a rebel.

One invitation was a four year old birthday party for dd's classmate that I couldn't pick out of a line up. Since four year olds tend to be oblivious, I figured no one would notice much less mind. Another was a Sunday afternoon holiday party for the four year old class. I don't know what the overeager class moms were thinking, but we had just spent the last four weekends with said class and their parents at five different birthday parties. As lovely as these people are, I was clean out of small talk and dd showed no interest in going. The last two were adult Halloween parties that happened to fall on the same night. Dreading having to don costumes, dh and I unanimously agreed to bag both events (dh: "I just can't imagine having a serious conversation with a grown man dressed as Batman."). I told both hosts, "So sorry, but we've been invited to another party at the same time!" Thankfully, I didn't have to lie!

Call me a party pooper, but I have no regrets. Turning down those invitations gave our family what we all covet most -- precious time. Time to get things done, time to chill out and best of all, time to be together. The night of the Halloween parties, dh and I took the opportunity to hire a babysitter and grab a casual dinner out. We enjoyed it so much more than we would have standing around our neighbor's house feeling ridiculous in our costumes and it gave us a chance to reconnect.

A version of no, "Not right now," is a similar stand I often take in my house to make life more manageable. Instead of jumping up the second someone asks for something, unless the need is dire, the response usually is, "Yes, but after I [fold the laundry, eat my dinner, send this email, etc...]" This is not revolutionary parenting advice, I realize, but I see so many of my friends drop whatever they're doing to immediately respond to their child's demands. I doubt they even realize they do it. "Not right now," not only makes my life suck less, but it teaches my children that the world doesn't always revolve around them. Sometimes, they may just have to wait to get what they need.

The point of this post is that we have so many non-optional obligations -- changing dirty diapers, school registrations, doctors appointments, soccer practices -- that we should protect our precious spare time as fiercely as possible. We should realize that not every invitation or ask is an obligation and that we do have the option to decline. Sometimes, just saying no means saying yes to something way more important -- your sanity.

Just Say No