Thursday, February 21, 2008

Inside My Head

We're having one of those conversations again. This time it's taking a decidedly different turn.

Mommy Amy: Ok, we tried it your way. It's not working for me.

Professional Amy: What? What do you mean? We got promoted! Twice!!!

Mommy Amy: Yeah, I admit, that last promotion was a very nice's great to be appreciated. But we've been in this department for over a decade now. Are we learning? Are we growing? Is this worth the sacrifices we're making?

Professional Amy: But we have a "V" in our title now. And a "P"!

Mommy Amy: I get it, but I miss the kids. I feel so disconnected to what's going on with them. I'm tired of the last minute scrambles to get them to school or to get their stuff together for whatever's going on that week. I'm tired of juggling schedules to cover for sick days or for the freaking lice. I'm tired of being distracted by my Blackberry whenever I'm home. I'm tired of being an exhausted wretch trying to do it all.

Professional Amy: What about Hubby? He's supposed to be helping you...

Mommy Amy: Well, I'm sorry to tell you this, but I had to let him go. He just wasn't working out. Nice guy and everything...cute too...he's just not qualified for the job.

Professional Amy: What about Nanny?

Mommy Amy: Yes, she's amazing. We all love her and I would be very sorry to see her go. But we only have her a handful of hours a week and that's just not enough to cover everything. And NO, I don't want to up her hours -- I'm not going to farm out my mommy duties. If one more child calls me "Nanny," I'm going to cry.

Professional Amy: But this is a great job. We fight cancer. We get paid. We work with great people. We get benefits -- good ones!

Mommy Amy: I know. But I'm sure we can still stay involved with the organization -- maybe they'll give us some freelance work or we can be a volunteer.

Professional Amy: It makes no sense to quit now. The little one is almost in school full-time. That's normally when moms go BACK to work -- not quit.

Mommy Amy: That's ridiculous. Both kids are still young. They still need us. You're young! You'll have plenty of time to accomplish your goals when they're older. Look, I'm tired of being tired. All. the. time. Is that the kind of life you want? Is that what makes you happy?

Professional Amy: I don't know...

Mommy Amy: Why can't we try my way for a while? Maybe we could go back to school...advance the career and keep our mind sharp while we stay home with the kids for a while?

Professional Amy: I need to think about it.

Mommy Amy: I'll give you a few months, but at the end of this school year, I need a decision.

Not sure how this one is going to go down, but it's not looking good for the professional me.


selfmademom said...

Do it! Take the plunge... you won't regret it for one day!

Amy@UWM said...

Somehow, I expected that reaction from you. ;)

PunditMom said...

The voices in our heads!

Lawyer Mama said...

Oh, babe. Those voices never shut the hell up in my head either. But you should listen to them and make a decision before you end up having a break down. (Like me.)

Izzy said...

I bow down to thee. I didn't go back to work because I knew I wouldn't be able to handle the stress of working and mothering. Whatever you choose will be what's right for you but I have to say, it's nice to step out of the rat race for a while and you know, breathe :)