What I Didn't Learn At BlogHer

So of course the very year I decide to take an "off" BlogHer year, they go and create a panel about the very subject that I blog about. Figures.

I am so very bummed to have missed the "Screw Work/Life Balance -- We Need Work/Life Policy" panel. It was spearheaded by the lovely and talented Morra Aarons Mele who I happen to know and work with IRL and Stephanie Wilchfort, aka The Mama Bee. But fortunately, as it generally goes at blogging conferences, there are no shortage of pre-event posts, live-blog replays, post-event perspectives and even session Twitter streams to catch you up. After I finished all my reading, I felt like I had been there!

I was so excited about some of the things that were discussed in this session --a few things particularly resonated with me. 1) We need to focus not so much on work flexibility as we do on work-life balance. Flexible working arrangements may be part of the solution, but that often addresses where and when you work, but not necessarily how much you work. Extreme work environments are killing our families and our sense of equilibrium and we need to set better boundaries. 2) Work-life balance isn't just a mom or women's issue. It's a human issue. Men need balance as much as women do, particularly if they are going to be better partners in helping balance the load at home. But work-life balance is an issue for everyone -- even those that don't have kids. Everyone has a life. We need to reframe this debate 3) Policy change alone can't be the solution. It's a "holy trinity of corporate, legislative and individual action."

And while there was alot of talk about how we need to use our voices -- our blogs and tweets -- as channels of change, one thing has been on my mind lately. Women and moms are such coveted markets for politicians and corporations alike. Politicians create entire initiatives to court the women's vote. Corporations spend millions of dollars to compete for women's buying power and also for quality workforces. How can we use that political and consumer capital to help advance this issue? Maybe someone needs to create an Angie's list for work-life balance -- a review site for politicians and companies where people can give the real scoop on corporate work-life policies and politician track records on these issues. We moms can then use that intel to decide what to buy, where to work and who to vote for. That might get some change real quick. Anyone got some spare time on their hands?

In any case, I am very much looking forward to seeing where this conversation (movement? evolution? revolution?) leads and to being a part of it.

What I Didn't Learn At BlogHer

Go Read This

We are taking a well-deserved break here at Up With Moms and enjoying a European vacation. I am luxuriating not only in the beautiful sights of London and Paris, but in the downtime between sightseeing. I came across this interesting article on The Juggle, the Wall Street Journal's blog about balancing work and kids, during a down period (yey high speed internet access in Paris!!!). What do you think, is the US waging a war against moms?

Go Read This

Go Read This

Whew! What a party we had over here at Up With Moms with the Ultimate Blog Party with 5 Minutes for Mom!!! So many satisfied moms. So happy to have all kinds of new visitors here. I promise I WILL visit everyone who visited me. Eventually.

For all of my new visitors/subscribers, one thing we strive for here at Up With Moms is balance. And in the spirit of balance, our philosophy is, why expend precious brain cells writing original content when there's so many awesome things to pilfer point to on the 'Net?

So here are a few posts that sum up the current state of work/life balance. First read this Washington Post article about how work/life programs are among the first to fly out the window during a down economy. Then read this post on Momsrising.org on why businesses that take that approach are stupid cutting off its proverbial nose to spite its face. Then read this beautifully moving post from Queen of Spain that typifies the ongoing war between our hearts and our souls -- a working mom's impossible pull between her kids and a fulfilling job (just hate people who can work all those hours, be a mom and STILL write like this). Enjoy!

Go Read This

From Both Sides Now

I can't believe I'm about to say this, but it's not easy having moms in the workplace.

Before you start composing the hate mail, let me just remind you a little about me. I've been a working mom for more than 8 years. Since I've had my kids, thanks to an enlightened boss, I've enjoyed a variety of flexible work arrangements over the years from part time to flex time. I am a champion for work-life balance and flexible work arrangements for moms.

But I'm also a supervisor in a department dominated by young women. Our operations director informed me today that among our staff we've had 11 pregnancies in two years. Aside from the multiple doctors appointments and inevitable absences from pregnancy-related issues, each pregnancy brings 12 weeks -- the average maternity leave -- of doing without a valuable member of our team. This means divvying up the workload among the poor souls left behind in the office. And each maternity leave brings months of anxiety -- will she come back to us after she falls in love with that precious baby? And if she doesn't, it means months more of doing without a key staff person until we hire a replacement.

Sometimes pregnancies don't even enter the picture. Last weekend, one of my directors called me saying she had a tiny emergency (it's never good news when an employee calls on a weekend). She and her husband had been given a sudden opportunity to adopt a newborn baby boy. They had to fly off to the other side of the country and would be gone for two weeks to meet their new son and finalize the paperwork. After that, she'd likely take maternity leave. Knowing that this woman had been trying for several years to start a family, I was truly elated for her. But at the same time, the supervisor in me was thinking OH, CRAP!!! How in the world would we cover for her on such short notice? As we've scrambled in the last week to close ranks and get things under control in her absence, the silent prayer began -- oh, god, PLEASE let her come back!!!!

Among the moms who do come back, many want flexible arrangements. Some want to work part time while others want to work only from home and/or with a flexible schedule. We've tried very hard to accommodate each request, sometimes by swapping out job responsibilities or pairing up two new moms in a job sharing situation. But the solution always depends on the individuals involved and the quantity and nature of the work that needs to be covered at the time. As we've tried to figure it out, it's felt a bit like putting a puzzle together. And sometimes, unfortunately, those puzzle pieces don't always fit perfectly.

I'm very aware of how my own working mom status inevitably imposes on others. Last week when DD#1 had yet another bout of lice (Yes, I did say lice. Again. Don't even go there.), I had to ask a colleague to give a presentation for me at the last minute. Thankfully he was willing, able and gracious about it. But I'm sure he wasn't thrilled to be asked. My own flexible schedule (working from home two afternoons a week) isn't ideal as it limits my ability to be there for my staff or attend certain meetings. Doing meetings by phone works in a pinch, but it's not as productive as being in a room with someone, being able to look them in the eye and connecting with them on a personal level.

There's no doubt that making these sacrifices for moms is ultimately worth it. We have retained valuable employees as a result. I myself would have quit years ago had I not been afforded the flexibility I continue to have. Our extreme situation of having working moms as the majority of our staff has worked in our favor in that it has shown the non-moms the value of retaining reliable co-workers vs. having to start over with a newbie. But as a manager, I can see how in an environment where the working mom is the exception and not the norm, putting up with the challenges motherhood brings to the workplace and the impact it has on others may seem undesirable.

I see the challenges of working motherhood from both sides now. And it's both of those sides that we will have to acknowledge and address when we advocate for work-life balance and flexible work arrangements.

From Both Sides Now

The Costs of a Family-Unfriendly America

A couple of months ago in honor of Halloween, Momsrising.org asked its members "What's really scary for American moms?" Nearly 200 struggling moms from all walks of life posted their scary stories -- middle-class moms "opting out" of their careers as the skyrocketing costs of daycare no longer made fiscal sense for their families; moms with little or no health coverage praying that they or their children never get sick; single moms struggling to make ends meet. It painted a very sad picture of a country clearly failing its most critical resource -- its mothers.

Unfortunately, the personal struggles of our nation's moms are likely to go unnoticed and unappreciated by our nation's lawmakers and corporate leaders. The picture that's more likely to move those in power is the one that's yet to be painted and is likely the scariest story of all -- the bottom line costs of failing America's families.

I'm no social economist, but consider the logical consequences of a country that demands too much of our nation's parents with little or no support:

The Health Care Burden
It's long been documented that the American worker is over-stressed due a variety of factors including loss of leisure time and extreme work demands and those that are raising families suffer the worst. Countless studies in the last two decades clearly link stress to a multitude of health ailments from cardiovascular disease to psychological and musculoskeletal disorders. One very recent Harvard study even goes so far as to suggest that women in the workforce are shortening their husbands lifespans by as much as 10 years due to stress. While this study draws ire from working moms as it lays the blame squarely at our feet, it shows a clear correlation between working moms and dads in America and negative health effects. Given the number of emotional meltdowns my husband has had to endure as I've tried to balance work and family, I really can't dispute these findings.

Shoving pistachio nuts into my mouth last night crunching to make a work deadline, I was reminded that our country's obesity epidemic goes hand in hand with stress. One only has to watch a few episodes of Oprah to know that stress-induced overeating is rampant in our country, particularly among women, and is likely a key underlying cause of our obesity problem (if my pistachio nut example wasn't scientific enough for you, here's a study from the UK with more empirical proof). Another is our lack of time to make healthy foods for our families or time to be physically active combined with the accessibility and convenience of fast and processed foods. This recent study links the number of hours a woman works to her childrens' BMI. Again, many interpret these studies as "blaming" women when the true underlying cause is an inflexible work culture that demands too much of our time. According to the CDC, obesity accounts for approximately 9% of our national medical bill or $93 billion.

Lost Productivity
Stress, obesity and its associated health effects are leading causes of workplace absences. But companies are also losing highly educated and well trained employees to the "opt-out phenomenon" -- documented by sociologist Pamela Stone, among others -- college- and professionally-educated women leaving their demanding jobs as a desperate measure to reclaim their sanity. My own microcosm bears this out as all of the mothers I know (including me) -- all college-educated career women prior to becoming mothers -- have left, downsized or sacrificed their careers in some way. There are also many mothers who simply can't make work work -- the costs of daycare exceeds their income or leaves very little of it to be worth it. These women leave their jobs not by choice but because they can't "afford" to work. Employee turnover has long been documented as a major drain on business but corporate America has yet to take a good hard look at how the loss of working mothers affects their turnover rates and their bottom line.

Failing our Youth
Research has long shown that the hours immediately after school are prime hours for juvenile crime. Our nation has tried to alleviate this problem by allocating significant funds for after-school programs that help provide supportive environments for "at-risk" kids -- those who are unsupervised after school. Federal cuts in these programs are a constant threat and states continually struggle to keep these programs sufficiently funded. Law enforcement claims that these programs are proven to cut crime rates and save at-risk youth from becoming career criminals, there is tremendous need to expand these programs. Is there another solution? How much money might we save simply by allowing for flexible work schedules? If parents were allowed to work their work schedules around their children's school schedules, how many children could be taken out of the after-school system leaving room to serve those kids who are truly "at risk" (i.e., those whose home lives are less than desirable)? Crime translates to billions of dollars for taxpayers and crime victims.

Overtaxing our Social Welfare System
Of course the greatest burden of a family-unfriendly American falls on low income families. These are families who despite doing everything right -- working diligently to support their families -- are barely getting by (much less getting ahead) and are often one misstep away from a financial crisis. These families tend to have jobs with lower wages, no benefits and little or no flexibility. Once these families fall on hard times, they must rely on our welfare system. Emory health economist Kenneth E. Thorpe has estimated that unpaid hospital bills, mostly a result of uninsured patients, cost $45 billion which increases insurance costs by 8.5%. This recent report from the Urban Institute begins to outline the support that would help low income families meet their family responsibilities while doing right by their employers and even highlights some success stories. How much could we reduce our nation's welfare costs and/or our unpaid health care bill by implementing some of these common sense supports?

I could go on, but I'm starting to depress myself. The point is that until someone with some heavy duty letters next to their name working for a credible institution takes a close and careful look through the volumes of research that already exist and does a serious cost-benefit analysis to bringing some health and sanity back into our lives, little is likely to change. The solution to supporting our nation's working moms and dads will take the combined efforts of government and employers. But we must first make the argument in dollars, not just common sense, to move their hearts and minds.

The Costs of a Family-Unfriendly America

I'm on the New Mommy Track!!

US News and World Report did a cover story on me!!! Ok, well not me specifically, but on moms like me.

This week's US News and World Report cover story "The New Mommy Track" is about how some women are avoiding the "opt out" phenomenon by negotiating flexible work schedules and non-traditional career tracks. I'm so thrilled to see other women finding ways to blend work and family in ways that work for them.

I've been blazing this trail in my own organization, negotiating a variety of unique work arrangements over the last five years. Following my very first maternity leave, I asked my (relatively) new boss if I could work from home a couple of days a week to be close to my baby and keep an eye on our new nanny. He reluctantly agreed to a temporary trial and it ended up working out for both of us. I remained as flexible as I could to accommodate work needs and as soon as I was comfortable leaving my daughter, I was back at the office full time. When my second daughter came along three years later, I was tired of the full time working mommy thing and wanted out. I tried to resign, but my boss, now having built a level of confidence and trust in me, made me an offer I couldn't refuse -- a part time position. We negotiated hours, carefully devised a role that fit my experience and kept the workload to a manageable level. Each year, I arranged my work schedule around my children, working mostly on the days that they were in preschool.

Now I'm back at work full time (see this post on the impetus behind that decision), yet I still have a flexible schedule. Our wonderful nanny, who has been with us since my part time days, is only available to us a few days a week. That means two days a week, I leave the office mid-day to pick up my preschooler and work from home the rest of the day. It's not easy to tear myself from the office in the middle of a workday or to conduct business from home. I could make things alot easier on myself by finding alternate childcare arrangements. But the reward is seeing my little one light up when I show up at her school and watching my older daughter jump off the school bus and run around with the neighborhood kids.

Having been the first in my department and among the first in my office to have struck a unique work arrangement, I have felt like a pioneer these last five years. It has not always been easy and it has not been ideal. I often felt guilty for having "special" arrangements (and still do), I sometimes missed out on things (both at work and at home) and the juggling thing can be pretty exhausting. But it has been do-able and it's been the best solution for me. I agree with the US News article that these arrangements are not yet the norm, and I have to give props to my boss who recognizes that he works in a female dominated industry and that he's better off being flexible than hiring new employees all the time. He also has a wife that has struggled with the work/mom quandry. We now have several women in our department with flexible working arrangements (one part-timer and two that job-share) and several former new mommy employees do freelance work for us.

I truly hope this US News article inspires other moms to think outside the box and come up with solutions that work for them. If you've worked for a company for a number of years, you've proven yourself, have a good relationship with your supervisor and he/she is a reasonable person, flexible work arrangements are possible. The trick is to believe in your value and understand that your employer has more to lose than you do if you leave. We do have quite a way to go before these opportunities are available to everyone. But that's something we can work on together.

I'm on the New Mommy Track!!