Sexist or Outdated?

Several months ago, Hubby and I were enjoying a grown ups-only dinner at a wonderful Italian restaurant. It was a weeknight -- a night where we were able to extend our nanny's hours to cover this extravagance which was made possible by a gift card Hubby got from a work vendor -- so this normally-popular restaurant wasn't very crowded and was blessedly serene. As I savored my Chardonnay, I got philosophical, recalling a news story I had seen about a woman who was protesting sexist road signs.

"We live in a man's world," I mused. "Road signs are just one example. School schedules are geared toward assuming that there's a parent at home in the middle of the afternoon. At work, men and women are rewarded based on how much time they put in but who's supposed to take care of the kids? EVERYTHING is geared toward assuming that men are still the workers. Meanwhile, 70% of moms are in the workforce. It's sexist!"

"Is it sexist or outdated?" Hubby thoughtfully asked. Hmm. Great question. I admitted that it could very well be the latter.

Now a new report by Maria Shriver and the Center for American Progress, The Shriver Report: A Woman's Nation Changes Everything, takes a "deep dive" into this very issue. While women's roles have changed dramatically in the last few decades, society-at-large has barely changed to accommodate how dual-income families, or even families with stay-at-home dads, live today. Now that women are quickly encompassing half of our country's workforce, the great unknown is if our nation will finally pay attention to and address the needs of the modern American family like comprehensive childcare, flexible work, health care reform and paid time off.

I applaud Maria Shriver and NBC for bringing all of the issues I've been struggling with ever since I became a working mom to light. These are the issues that have been a drain on my marriage as Hubby and I have tried to negotiate and renegotiate parental and household roles and responsibilities over the years. And these are the very issues that spurred this blog. Society at large does NOT accommodate women's move to the workforce, the "seismic shift in gender roles" (as NBC's Brian Williams puts it) that has resulted and the reality of the modern American family. I just hope it becomes more than just some good television for a week. I pray that this report and the fact that women now make up 50% of the American workforce have an effect on our country's psyche and that it sparks some real change in support of our families.

Unfortunately, it's going to be up to women themselves, arguably the busiest people on earth, to step up and speak up and keep these issues at the forefront, as Maria Shriver suggests in her recent Time magazine editorial aptly titled, The Unfinished Revolution. An unfinished revolution indeed. Organizations like Momsrising.org have been at the forefront of continuing the revolution, building grassroots support and movement on these issues. And while I'm glad that Maria Shriver is using her public platform to shine a light on the issues at hand, I couldn't help but wonder where Momsrising was in this conversation and why they have not even commented on this series.

I started this blog pissed at Gloria Steinem because it was she and her cohorts that created more choices for women. To me, it seemed like an ill-conceived plan given that they didn't address how women's entrance into the workplace might affect the family dynamics. But as Ms. Steinem has said herself, women will never be equal until men share equally in the family responsibilities. And, I'd add, until government and business make some serious adjustments. It's clear that even after all of the progress we've made as women, there's still alot of work yet to be done.

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Sexist or Outdated?

One Step Forward and Another One Back

When I first started this blog, I imagined creating wonderfully insightful and thought-leading posts about work-life balance issues. Turns out after spending most of my time thinking about how to cure cancer at my day job and trying to be the best mommy I can be the rest of the time, the brilliance just doesn't seem to flow like I thought it would.

But I have been a faithful email activist, keeping up with my action alerts from Momsrising.org, 9 to 5 and the National Organization of Women. I was thrilled to learn a few weeks ago that thanks to some heavy duty lobbying from Momsrising and several other organizations, New Jersey became the third state to pass a law that provides paid leave for workers to care for a sick family member or to bond with a newly born or adopted child. Three down, 47 more to go...I can't wait for this fight to come to Georgia. If you haven't signed up to receive action alerts from at least one of these organizations, you gotta go do it. Go ahead. Do it now. I'll wait till you get back.

At the same time, I was sickened to read that this past week, our federal government let families down yet again when the House Oversight and Government Reform Committee approved cutting a proposed eight weeks of paid parental leave for federal employees to only four weeks. The logic completely escapes me. Our government finally has a chance to prove it's not back-assward by providing American families some much needed support and it can't seem to get it together enough to support its own employees. Talent attrition alone should more than pay for this program, but apparently Committee Republicans argued that supporting this program in a spiraling economy sends a message that our lawmakers are out of touch with American citizens. So instead, they sent the message that they're out of touch with the needs of their own employees. I suppose four weeks is better than nothing, but it's hard to get excited about a program equivalent of holding out a life preserver only to pull it back and yell, "Psyche!"

Clearly the fight for family-friendly work policies is just beginning. Although I won't be leading this fight any time soon, thankfully others are on the forefront. I just stumbled across Washington Post's blog on work-life balance and they offer a super cool widget, now nestled in the sidebar of Up With Moms, so I can offer great work-life balance content even when I'm sidetracked by devotions in soccer or being (NOT) a Top Momma. Or you can read actual thought leaders like MojoMom, who like me is convinced that fixing our corporate infrastructure to support families is the next wave of feminism. Like our predecessors who fought to make it acceptable for women to achieve in the workplace, it's now up to us to make the workplace acceptable for us moms and our dads. Whether you're a thought leader or just a garden variety email activist, New Jersey is proof of the power of moms.

One Step Forward and Another One Back

From Both Sides Now

I can't believe I'm about to say this, but it's not easy having moms in the workplace.

Before you start composing the hate mail, let me just remind you a little about me. I've been a working mom for more than 8 years. Since I've had my kids, thanks to an enlightened boss, I've enjoyed a variety of flexible work arrangements over the years from part time to flex time. I am a champion for work-life balance and flexible work arrangements for moms.

But I'm also a supervisor in a department dominated by young women. Our operations director informed me today that among our staff we've had 11 pregnancies in two years. Aside from the multiple doctors appointments and inevitable absences from pregnancy-related issues, each pregnancy brings 12 weeks -- the average maternity leave -- of doing without a valuable member of our team. This means divvying up the workload among the poor souls left behind in the office. And each maternity leave brings months of anxiety -- will she come back to us after she falls in love with that precious baby? And if she doesn't, it means months more of doing without a key staff person until we hire a replacement.

Sometimes pregnancies don't even enter the picture. Last weekend, one of my directors called me saying she had a tiny emergency (it's never good news when an employee calls on a weekend). She and her husband had been given a sudden opportunity to adopt a newborn baby boy. They had to fly off to the other side of the country and would be gone for two weeks to meet their new son and finalize the paperwork. After that, she'd likely take maternity leave. Knowing that this woman had been trying for several years to start a family, I was truly elated for her. But at the same time, the supervisor in me was thinking OH, CRAP!!! How in the world would we cover for her on such short notice? As we've scrambled in the last week to close ranks and get things under control in her absence, the silent prayer began -- oh, god, PLEASE let her come back!!!!

Among the moms who do come back, many want flexible arrangements. Some want to work part time while others want to work only from home and/or with a flexible schedule. We've tried very hard to accommodate each request, sometimes by swapping out job responsibilities or pairing up two new moms in a job sharing situation. But the solution always depends on the individuals involved and the quantity and nature of the work that needs to be covered at the time. As we've tried to figure it out, it's felt a bit like putting a puzzle together. And sometimes, unfortunately, those puzzle pieces don't always fit perfectly.

I'm very aware of how my own working mom status inevitably imposes on others. Last week when DD#1 had yet another bout of lice (Yes, I did say lice. Again. Don't even go there.), I had to ask a colleague to give a presentation for me at the last minute. Thankfully he was willing, able and gracious about it. But I'm sure he wasn't thrilled to be asked. My own flexible schedule (working from home two afternoons a week) isn't ideal as it limits my ability to be there for my staff or attend certain meetings. Doing meetings by phone works in a pinch, but it's not as productive as being in a room with someone, being able to look them in the eye and connecting with them on a personal level.

There's no doubt that making these sacrifices for moms is ultimately worth it. We have retained valuable employees as a result. I myself would have quit years ago had I not been afforded the flexibility I continue to have. Our extreme situation of having working moms as the majority of our staff has worked in our favor in that it has shown the non-moms the value of retaining reliable co-workers vs. having to start over with a newbie. But as a manager, I can see how in an environment where the working mom is the exception and not the norm, putting up with the challenges motherhood brings to the workplace and the impact it has on others may seem undesirable.

I see the challenges of working motherhood from both sides now. And it's both of those sides that we will have to acknowledge and address when we advocate for work-life balance and flexible work arrangements.

From Both Sides Now